You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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