This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
