listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize