So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize