If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
