I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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