At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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