Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
