I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
