its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Who died my cat blue again?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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