i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
