I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
