Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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