U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
