I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
