so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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