its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
