Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
