Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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