so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
