If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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