dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
