Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
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