haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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