Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You may now shotgun with the bride
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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