Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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