ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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