Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
