the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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