There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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