In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
