i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
