just come out here and I will go home with you...
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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