how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize