i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
