did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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