There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
