Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
