If i come over, it means nothing
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
