Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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