There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
You're earring is so big in my mouth
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
