My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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