My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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