I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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