My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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