He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
