Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
