Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
