haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
