I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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