Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
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