No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
