I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
