i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
