I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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