sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize