You just made me feel so damn special
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
