do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
false alarm. still invincible.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
