Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
