you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Enjoy the penises
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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