great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
