I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
