i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
