She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
