I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
