I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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