nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
