He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize