She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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