Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
This girl is more easily done than said...
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
