He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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